The Myth of Revenge
When a sorry—and the dignity an apology would restore to us—is not forthcoming, we have a tendency to try to claim it for ourselves by punishing the person who hurt us.
This revenge takes many forms: we withhold affection, attention, or presence; we resort to physical violence, property damage, or workplace sabotage; or we make destructive comments, start vicious gossip, or tell stories of long-held grudges.
We may do these things passively or actively, yet they all are an attempt to reverse our sense of powerlessness and re-balance the scales of fairness as we see them.
The saddest thing is not that we resort to revenge but that such retaliation is so accepted within our societies. We are immersed in a belief system that says we are weak if we do not punish wrongdoing and that it’s okay to correct injustice with violence. You only have to turn on the TV or pick up a novel to quickly appreciate how easily we celebrate when someone receives their “comeuppance.”
As Christians, we too have bought into the notion of revenge through our theology. Simply think about how accepting we are that God chooses genocide within the story of Noah, or how we traditionally interpret the horror of Jerusalem’s destruction in Lamentations as God’s response to sin committed against him. It appals me how we can call these violent actions just. When our theology causes us to become comfortable with God using violence to restore, the easier it becomes to justify ourselves and our nations doing the same.
The myth revenge perpetuates is that using retributive violence will restore justice, bring back our dignity, and make the person who wronged us more likely to apologise. It does none of these things. But because it lights up the reward centre of our brain, it remains a very persuasive response to being wronged.
However, revenge never brings any long-term benefit or healing to us. In fact, it often does the opposite. It incites retaliation, increases wrongdoing, and causes further pain. It also leads us to become more like the person who wronged us in the first place.
Why do we continue to believe our passive or aggressive violence will bring about the result we desire, when it is God’s kindness that the Psalmist tells us leads to repentance?
Like Jesus exhorts his father to do while he hangs dying on a cross, we overcome sin through forgiveness. We overcome in the opposite spirit of the harm that was caused: forgiveness instead of revenge, restoration instead of retribution, mercy instead of punishment, love instead of hate.
This is admittedly not easy to do. I’m certain Jesus didn’t find it easy to do as he suffered humankind’s disloyalty, betrayal, and abuse on the cross. But this is how we become free. Not through the easy, wide path of revenge, but by the hard, narrow path of following Jesus.
